The last night's rain

Monday, September 10th, 01:27 a.m.

For a change, I slowed down the bike as it rained. For a change, I never had my rain coat. Neither did I bother about my wallet nor about my cellphone getting drenched in the rain. I just rode in peace through the passing rain. It was a Sunday and again for a change, i wasn't riding back home from work. It was day off.

While it continued to pour, I reached my apartment and walked to the landscape area. I lit my last B&H and smoked it as i watched it pour down at 11 in the night. It felt good. I hope it was the rain and not the large vodka (which I had an hour before the ride) that gave me the peaceful easy feeling. I was not alone. There was someone standing at her balcony distances away from me who also was cherishing(i hope) the rain. I don't know who it was and I don't care, as it was immaterial. Before I could reach the flickering end of the B&H stick, the rain did send me through a moment of introspection. Looking back at last 5 to 6 months of photojournalism, my life, both with and away camera has taken me on an interesting ride on a roller-coaster of emotions. It has made my cry, laugh, scream with jubilation, helplessly watch the motions of defeat, and marvel at the complexity of life on this planet. I do not regret anything that has passed me through. I am glad for having within me an experimental psyche which hasn't been completely opaque to experiences of life. At the same time nor has it been completely transparent to let things go through, without me getting entangled in the web of life.

In the web of life, you are the spider and you yourself are the prey. Its an interesting game where you take turns to play both roles. You got to struggle and learn to break free from the web.

The burning stick came to and end. And so did the rain
Good night

Me, my solitude and Raju's 350D - Part 2

Its been nearly two weeks of probation period at VT. Me and Raju's camera (canon 350 D) did get to see some amount of life in Bangalore which was previously unknown to us. From Page 1 to Page 3 we have got to see a great deal of Bangalore. Sometimes boring stories and sometimes stories which reaffirms faith in the work I have set about doing, they all seem to be part of the game.

The two days I spent about covering the Tibetan Uprising day events have enhanced my confidence a great deal. I was surrounded by photographers who were working for agencies like Reuters,AP,PTI and AFP. It felt great to know that I was trying to capture in frames the story which they were interested too. I knew the event had a worldwide significance. For the first time I was given an opportunity to compare my work with the agencies worldwide. Well, its a different issue that the equipments they had at their disposal were technically far more superior than my buddy, the canon 350D. But hey! who cares? Me and 350D accepted the challenge gracefully. It was natural that I went back home and compared my work with theirs which was updated on the agencies' websites. And I am being frank, I was impressed with my work on the Tibetan story which was done on 350D. This was a boost for me. Someday I'll definitely make it to one of the agencies.

But as the story goes, only one image made it to print from those 2 days:-(. Now, for the first time I got an insight into the business of newspapers. There were local issues and advertisements which needed space. Tibetan struggle somehow didn't fit the scheme of Bangalore centric newspaper.I had to kiss this fact. I had shot some page3 kinda pictures on the same day. They made it in large numbers. Something new about professional modern day journalism I had learned.

Life goes on; So I moved on from Rakshita's Mehendi ceremony payasam to buffets at Star hotels of Bangalore while covering events and press meets. A trip to IIMB and freezing the future corporate czars of India, listening to a Tibetan hero who one day I know shall be the leader of modern independent Tibet(if Tibet's destiny has independence in it), meeting visionaries of Karnataka state and then attempting an undercover operation in Bangalore subways where prostitution was rampant; it surely has been a great ride so far. I have come to know my limitations as well as my buddy 350D's. But we have to learn to live with our limitations and make the most of it. And yeah, my probation at VT has nearly come to an end and I am waiting to hear from the Resident Editor on my future here. I have a feeling that I have done well. I hope they tell me soon. I have to return Raju's 350D and buy mine soon.

Retrospecting through the last few months, I have come to realise that I am walking with huge weight on my shoulders. No, its not Raju's camera bag:-). The weight I am referring to is of the expectations and dreams. I have realized that I am not just in a process of trying to realize my dreams. I am in fact trying to realize a million dreams. I was not alone, there are a large number of people who were and still are caught in a life they are not really keen on leading. But they do not want to risk an adventure to change things. I decided to break free and yeah I know, my decision had shocked many people. I can hear the words "Your son needs counselling I guess" still ringing in my ears. People who could draw similarities between their lives and mine have regularly been in touch with me. They are hoping I succeed in whatever I have set about doing. They are trying to realize their dreams of breaking free and reaching the pinnacle through me. And my friend, that is a huge pressure situation here. But I seem to love it.

I know that if all shall go well,
I'll be a legend walking with applause.
And if fate shall have its way,
I'll still be a martyr of my own cause.
-Nishant Ratnakar

Freedom ; my chicken soup for the soul

Years back, I sat in a stuffy and not so big room full of anxious people in one of the by lanes of Gandhinagar, near the old Central Jail of Bangalore. Oh! by the way, the Old Bangalore Central jail is now being converted to a Freedom Park. I am not sure if the inmates of the prison are being freed but nevertheless we mortals do have a natural tendency for creating memorabilia out of tombstones, monuments and memories. Freedom, I wonder what exactly are the parameters which define it. Just by bringing in a change of guard and local rule would it mean we have achieved freedom. I guess most of us would say being able to walk free in this land without question and fear irrespective of what your race or creed is, would amount to being free. True, it might speak of freedom to a large extent. But in my honest opinion, true freedom is when you hold an opinion, a dream, a vision, and have the unrestrained freedom to pursue them with courage and reach the avenue where you can realise that romantic ambition of a lifetime. You have a dream and I have mine too. Why not toil hard and work towards reaching that avenue where there is a great possibility of going miles in career of fame.

Coming back to that stuffy room full of anxious people. The people were of two kinds. One set was the CET rank holders waiting for their turn to get into a good E-school(never heard of B-schools then). The second set consisted of the parents of these anxious big kids. This stuffy room in question then housed the Karnataka CET counselling centre, a one stop place to get into the best under-graduate engineering and medical courses in the state (I thank god that I made it into RVCE from this place. I met some of the finest people of my time here and among them I am sure that I have made a bunch of lifelong friends. I really value the 4 years spent at my Alma mater). Every other chap seemed to be tense and busy with their prayers. I, as usual was looking here and there trying to ease the tension in my own ways by making efforts to spot a pretty face from the fairer sex. It was by chance that I looked back and spotted a black board on which was an inspirational poem written out. It was such an effective poem that I spent the next ten minutes copying it into a sheet of paper with a hope that someday i would need it.

Back here in 2006 I badly needed it. I frantically searched for that note all over the house but so far couldn't find that piece of paper. Thankfully I had Google to search for me and fish it out from the Internet. This has now become a daily prayer for me as I've embarked
on my journey to realise my dreams. And here below is that poem/song from a musical based on Don Quixote (originally written by Cervantes). Its called "Impossible dream". Read it because Its worth the time.

The Impossible Dream (from Don Quixote - Man of LaMancha, a musical)

---

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go.

To right the unrightable wrong
To be better far than you are
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest, to follow that star,
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To be willing to give when there's no more to give
To be willing to die so that honor and justice may live

And I know if I'll only be true to this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star.